Do's and Don'ts for Sport Parents

By Michael A. Taylor

Gymnastics Risk Management and Consultation

 

DO FOR YOURSELF:

1. Get vicarious pleasure from your children's participation, but do not become overly ego-involved,

2. Try to enjoy yourself at competitions. Your unhappiness can cause your child to feel guilty.

3. Look relaxed, calm, positive and energized when watching your child compete. Your attitude influences how your child feels and performs.

4. Have a life of your own outside of your child's sports participation.

 

DO WITH OTHER PARENTS:

1. Make friends with other parents at events. Socializing can make the event more fun for you.

2. Volunteer as much as you can. Youth sports depends upon the time and energy of involved parents.

3. Police your own ranks: Work with other parents to ensure that all parents behave appropriately at practices and competitions.

 

DO WITH COACHES:

1. Leave the coaching to the coaches.

2. Give them any support they need to help them do their jobs better.

3. Communicate with them about your child You can learn about your child from each other.

4. Inform them of relevant issues at home that might affect your child at practice.

5. Inquire about the progress of your children. You have a right to know.

6. Make the coaches your allies.

 

DO FOR YOUR CHILDREN:

1. Provide guidance for your children, but do not force or pressure them.

2. Assist them in setting realistic goals for participation.

3. Emphasize fun, skill development and other benefits of sports participation, e.g., cooperation, competition, self-discipline, commitment.

4. Show interest in their participation: help them get to practice, attend competitions, ask questions.

5. Provide; a healthy perspective to help children understand success and failure.

6. Emphasize and reward effort rather than results.

7. Intervene if your child's behavior is unacceptable during practice or competitions.

8. Understand that your child may need a break from sports occasionally.

9. Give your child some space when need. Part of sports participation involves them figuring things out for themselves.

10. Keep a sense of humor. If you are having fun and laughing, so will your child.

11. Provide regular encouragement.

12. Be a healthy role model for your child by being positive and relaxed at competitions and by having balance in your life.

13. GIVE THEM UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: SHOW THEM YOU LOVE THEM WHETHER THEY WIN OR LOSE!!!

 

DON'T FOR YOURSELF:

1. Base your self-esteem and ego on the success of your child's sports participation.

2. Care too much about how your child performs.

3. Lose perspective about the importance of your child's sports participation.

gym.net - Gymnastics Risk Management and Consultation Michael A. Taylor coacht@gym.net

 

DON'T WITH OTHER PARENTS:

1. Make enemies of other parents.

2. Talk about others in the sports community. Talk to them. It is more constructive.

 

DON'T WITH COACHES:

1. Interfere with their coaching during practice or competitions.

2. Work at cross purposes with them. Make sure you agree philosophically and practically on why your child is playing sports and what they may get out of sports.

 

DON'T WITH YOUR CHILDREN:

 

1. EXPECT YOUR CHILDREN TO GET ANYTHING MORE FROM THEIR SPORT THAN A GOOD TIME, PHYSICAL FITNESS, MASTERY AND LOVE OF A LIFETIME SPORT, AND TRANSFERABLE LIFE SKILLS.

2. Ignore your child's bad behavior in practice or competitions.

3. Ask the child to talk with you immediately after a competition.

4. Show negative emotions while watching them perform.

5. Make your child feel guilty for the time, energy and money you are spending and the sacrifices you are making.

6. Think of your child's sports participation as an investment for which you expect a return.

7. Live out your own dreams through your child's sports participation.

8. Compare your child's progress with that of other children.

9. Badger, harass, use sarcasm, threaten or use fear to motivate your child It only demeans them and causes them to hate you.

10. Expect anything from your child except their best effort.

11. EVER DO ANYTHING THAT WILL CAUSE THEM TO THINK LESS OF THEMSELVES OR OF YOU! !

Order form for CUSTOMIZED Swim Caps

Please download this Marlins -- Order form for Silicone Sept. 2011 in order to get personalized swim caps with the swimmers name.

 

Return to SooSee or Lim by the date specified.

Parent meeting/Suit fitting and Inter Squad meet info

MVAC    -    Thursday, September 8, Suit Fitting 4-6 pm, followed by a Parent meeting at 6:30 pm.

BCC    -    Tuesday, September 13, Suit Fitting 3-6pm, followed by a Parent meeting at 6:30 pm.

ALL Swimmers - Saturday, October 1st,
Marlins Inter Squad Meet.
Location:  Brookstone Country Club
Warm up time:  8 a.m.
Meet Start time:  9 a.m.
Eligibility:    ALL Swimmers

Updated Practice schedules

NOTE: Please realize some of this is tentative and that some of the practice times during the week are generic on these schedules, please talk to your coach if in regards to setting up a time to come in if you are not able to make listed times.

 

Also, for swimmers @ BCC until the tent is up if there is inclement weather please be advised that we will train at MVAC for that day.

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Updated BCC schedule



Updated MVAC SC schedule for Fall:

Sports Psychology : "Are you a winning parent" Questionnaire

Reprinted from Competitive Advantage – Sports Psychology Services and Resources http://www.competitivedge.com/questionnaire_parents.htm

Do you really want your child to excel and go as far as possible in his/her sport? Do you want him or her to have fun and feel good about him/herself? Would you like to help your child avoid becoming a dropout statistic? If your answers are` “yes” to these questions then it is critical that you play the “right” role on the parent-coach-athlete team. Be supportive! Be your child’s best fan! DON’T coach! (Unless you are the coach or your child comes to you and WANTS your feedback!) Take this questionnaire to see if you’re doing everything possible to help your child have a successful and healthy sports experience.

Answer each question with a 1, 2, 3 or 4. 1 = never true; 2 = occasionally true; 3 = mostly true; 4 = always true.

1) I get really frustrated and upset when my child performs below his/her capabilities.

2) I give my child critical feedback on his/her performance after each game.

3) If I didn’t push my child, he/she wouldn’t practice.

4) If my child doesn’t excel and win, I see very little point in them participating in their sport.

5) I can be very critical when my child makes mistakes or loses.

6) I set goals with my child in relation to their sport.

7) I think it’s my job to motivate my child to get better.

8) I feel angry and embarrassed when my child performs poorly.

9) The most important thing for my child’s sport participation is that they have fun.

10) I get really upset with bad calls by the officials.

11) Most coaches don’t know what they are talking about.

12) I keep a performance log/journal/statistics on my child’s performance so we can monitor his/her progress.

13) I feel guilty about some of the things I say to my child after they play.

14) I try to watch most practices so that I can correct my child when he makes mistakes.

15) When my child fails I can feel his pain and disappointment.

16) I think it’s important that my child gets used to having coaches yell at him/her to help prepare him/her for life.

17) My spouse and I argue about how I treat my son/daughter in relation to his/her sport.

18) I try to help my child keep his/her failures and the sport in perspective.

19) I’m never very concerned about the outcome of my child’s game/match/race.

20) I will not allow my child to be put down or yelled at by a coach.

21) If my child wasn’t so defensive when it comes to my feedback, he/she could become a better athlete.

22) It’s not my job to evaluate or criticize my child’s performances.

23) I feel that my child owes us a certain performance level given all the sacrifices we’ve made for him/her.

24) I believe my child’s sport belongs to him/her and not to me.

25) I just want my child to feel good about him/herself and be happy when he/she plays.

SCORING

Add scores for questions #1-8, 10-14,16, 17, 21 & 23. (If you answered question #2 with a “mostly true” you add 3 points to the total score.) Subtract scores for questions #9, 15, 18-20, 22, 24, & 25.

INTERPRETATION

The higher the score, the more potential damage that you are doing to your child. High scores indicate that you are playing the wrong role on the team and if you continue, you will increase the chances of your child burning out, struggling with performance problems and dropping out. Low scores mean that you are on track and doing the things necessary to insure that your child has a positive and life-enriching sports experience. If you scored a:

60 – 50: You are doing everything in your power to seriously damage your child’s self-esteem, ruin their sports experience and make them a candidate for long-term psychotherapy later on in their life. If you continue your ways, your child will most likely drop out of sports. If you force them to continue, chances are good that they will struggle with serious performance problems. On the off chance that they do achieve success, they will not be able to appreciate what they’ve accomplished. Finally, your long-term relationship with them will be seriously jeopardized because of your lack of perspective and behaviors.

49 – 39: You are not being supportive enough and are doing too many things wrong. You are over-involved and putting too much pressure on your child. You need to back down, chill out and let them enjoy their sport. This kind of a parental stance will drive your child out of sports.

38 – 20: You’re OK, but you need some help getting unhooked. You need to be more consistently supportive and take less of a pushing/coaching role.

19 – 16: You are pretty much on track as a parent. You are positive and doing most of the right things to insure your child has a positive youth sports experience.

0 – 15: BRAVO!!!! You are truly a winning parent. You can give workshops to other parents on how to help your child become successful in their sport.